I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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