we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize