he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
