i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
