omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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