Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
