Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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