We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
