It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
