I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
