you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
