I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
