i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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