the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
