PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize