You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
