I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
