i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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