I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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