go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
