Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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