you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
