VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
