just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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