I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
