Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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