since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All the doctor said was why
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am mentally ready for anal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
