All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
