i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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