She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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