Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
