I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
