Pants 0. Shit 1.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You took a bar mat shot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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