You made me cry and you don't even care
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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