Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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