Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
