you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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