i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
