You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
