i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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