You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
