trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
