He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
