i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
do nipples grow back?
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