Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
