My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
