idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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