Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
