Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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