dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I could make wine with my vomit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
