got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize