where am i from again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
