i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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