I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
