its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
