you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
