After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize