i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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