My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
