Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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