Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
