His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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