just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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