There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize