I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
