Is it normal to miss your booty call?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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