This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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