That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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