I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
