Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
