i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's get the cat blown out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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