I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
