i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
