nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
