I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
