you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
