the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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