I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
