I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize