I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i now understand why vodka
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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