Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
