How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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