I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
