I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
