I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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