We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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