therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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