All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
