We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
