Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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