you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
