new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
