My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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