I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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