Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
