The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I enjoy the company of your penis
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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