i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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