When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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