you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
