So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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