The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
