I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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