i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
