when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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