Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize