he shaved USA in his pubs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
